Anxiety....the demon

I had been wanting to write this post for some time now but honestly I felt my anxiety was more under control than not, and then I got hit. Hit with a big fat dose of 'who do you think you are?! being happy! how crazy can you be?-you're not allowed to live an anxiety free life!" I do know these thoughts aren't true, and it's the demon rearing it's ugly head at a vulnerable time in my life. This used to happen to me almost everyday, which is a hard way to live. It makes you sad, hurt and under a dark cloud of unhappiness that you can't always see your way out of. Sometimes I didn't even realize that anxiety was the name of the feeling to explain the desperation that seemed to be seeping through my pores. Nowadays though it is so very rare that when it does come along it forces me to remember what my days used to be like, how I used to feel everyday when I woke up and struggled to live a fulfilling life.

For me anxiety can be the feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you think things are not going to be okay, that paralyzing feeling that almost makes you throw up from the stress and the constant feeling of 'you're not good enough'. Sometimes when my anxiety used to be so bad and I would feel so nauseous that I would simply go to bed to avoid the feeling. When I woke up things would seem a little brighter and the nausea would be minimal. The best way to handle it? Likely not but when you're in that space sometimes taking some moments to rest can seem like the only way to pull through. I choose now though to pick up my heart from the bottom of my stomach and realize it honestly all will be okay, that it IS okay.

The positive aspect with sharing this and writing about this is that it does help me realize just how far I've come and how more often than not my days are super positive, sometimes even with moments of elation and pure happiness-that demon is silent and not even hiding but is simply gone.

I use a wide range of techniques and products to help me through some of these tougher times so feel free to reach out if you want to know more :) 

The life

I've been trying to write a good blog post, that would be worth everyone's time in reading for many months now and finally decided to run with it. There's been so much going on that has rocked my foundation.

The last year has caused me to re-evaluate my life in so many ways, from my relationships (friendships, family, love), to my health, my goals, and what I really want out of life that it was almost too much to share. However, I decided to go with it and see where I landed.

I had been a part of a WE for over four years and then before that for over four years and well you get the idea. Although I had my single times, the majority of my dating life has been spent in relationships. We could talk at length about the positives and negatives of this but I've explored that, meditated on it and arrived to where I am today; being me, myself and I. When you first become just you again, well it can stop you in your tracks. And make you pull back and think, but wait, who indeed am I? What is it that I want? It's quite startling but can be incredibly exciting too!

Things I know about myself that have not changed over the last 10 years; I care deeply about food and what I put in and on my body, I want to help people discover the best version of themselves, I love my friends and family very deeply, I crave travel and all that that means, I love eating vegetables in massive quantities and I want (one day) to get married and have babies. I'm sure there are more things but outlining like that sometimes helps me know that I'm not this lost soul but more that I'm a person with so much gratitude for all the things that I've been blessed to have and all of the experiences that have led me here today.

Then there are times, where it is honestly is just hard. You're on this path that you didn't really think you'd ever be on and you're having all of these new experiences but the most important thing I've found is to stay true to what you want, be upfront with yourself and never be afraid to grow.

I've been on some dates that were better than others, I've been forced out of my comfort zone in the best of ways and I've been seeking someone that speaks to my soul the way I need, want and deserve to have. Each day can bring challenges but another aspect I've learned is to keep the faith, live a life filled with wellness, purpose and abundance and don't be afraid to share. Every time that I dive a bit deep into what I'm thinking or feeling I find it incredibly important to end with an Action Step.

Action step:

Journal, apply release and Palo Santo often and be grateful for every minute.

with light and love,