I had been wanting to write this post for some time now but honestly I felt my anxiety was more under control than not, and then I got hit. Hit with a big fat dose of 'who do you think you are?! being happy! how crazy can you be?-you're not allowed to live an anxiety free life!" I do know these thoughts aren't true, and it's the demon rearing it's ugly head at a vulnerable time in my life. This used to happen to me almost everyday, which is a hard way to live. It makes you sad, hurt and under a dark cloud of unhappiness that you can't always see your way out of. Sometimes I didn't even realize that anxiety was the name of the feeling to explain the desperation that seemed to be seeping through my pores. Nowadays though it is so very rare that when it does come along it forces me to remember what my days used to be like, how I used to feel everyday when I woke up and struggled to live a fulfilling life.
For me anxiety can be the feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you think things are not going to be okay, that paralyzing feeling that almost makes you throw up from the stress and the constant feeling of 'you're not good enough'. Sometimes when my anxiety used to be so bad and I would feel so nauseous that I would simply go to bed to avoid the feeling. When I woke up things would seem a little brighter and the nausea would be minimal. The best way to handle it? Likely not but when you're in that space sometimes taking some moments to rest can seem like the only way to pull through. I choose now though to pick up my heart from the bottom of my stomach and realize it honestly all will be okay, that it IS okay.
The positive aspect with sharing this and writing about this is that it does help me realize just how far I've come and how more often than not my days are super positive, sometimes even with moments of elation and pure happiness-that demon is silent and not even hiding but is simply gone.
I use a wide range of techniques and products to help me through some of these tougher times so feel free to reach out if you want to know more :)
