While cleaning out the guest room at my parents house a few weekends ago I discovered a lot of my writing from my teenage years. There was a collection of book reports, my college application essays and recommendations from teachers as well as several diary entries that somehow ended up on loose-leaf to be found all these years later. One such piece of paper really stuck out for me that day, the one titled The Fat People’s Club. I was immediately drawn to this one as I had been an overweight preteen and teenager, until about the end of sophomore year of high school but since have mostly maintained a thinner physique with struggles back and forth of course. I currently help people, many who are very overweight, by looking at the emotional side of things, the ‘why am I eating this?’ aspect. This is challenging no matter what your background and despite having been on a weight loss journey myself it can be difficult to relate everyday with those struggling. I often forget the pain that is associated with being so overweight, the looks people give, the thoughts others have about you (whether imagined or not) and just the general self loathing you have underneath it all (at least for me).
So when I found this piece of paper with such a title I thought, ‘would there be way to rediscover what I’d been feeling at that time of being so overweight? A way to reconnect with my ‘inner fat girl’ in order to understand my clients better?’ I am including the entire thing that I typed up so you can read it, see what I was going through. Although standing up for myself and others in my position, you can see the pain in each line, the sadness that surrounded being ostracized for my size and just the general disgust that people felt for me, simply because I was overweight. I even found on the back different ideas of comebacks for when people asked me if the scale had broken yet but we’ll save those for another time. This was also written as if I’d called a large assembly and was on stage telling people the story, almost a PSA (way before we knew what that term was). Also keep in mind my age when I wrote this :) I also included a few pictures of my fat stages, please keep in mind late 90’s :)
The Fat People’s Club
Ladies and Gentlemen,
I have gathered you here today for one reason and one reason only. We want it to stop. Some of you may be asking, “stop what?” Well you know, the laughing behind our backs that stops when we turn around. The whispering about how he or she’s so fat that she barely fits through the door. The looks, the mean menacing looks that make you want to cry. The eyes; when we look to see where the laughter is coming from and we see your eyes filled with mockery and laughter, conveying ‘eww they are so fat.’ How would you like it if, god forbid, you thin people became fat for a day, how would you like the laughter, the mockery, and the whispers? How would you like it?! Do you actually think us fat people like being made fun of? Some of you must have been made fun of once in your lifetime? Didn’t it hurt? Well, try getting hurt like that everyday! Would you like getting made fun of because you're stupid or fat, would you? We want it to stop. It’s not fair. We don’t deserve it, no one does. Don’t we deserve to be loved too? To be able to walk down the hall without someone laughing at us or thinking ‘they are so fat!’ don’t we deserve that or do only thin people get that courtesy? Don’t we?! I’d just like you to all think about what I've just said, maybe it will change your attitude.
I also found some really in-depth quotes I had written, some that seemed far beyond my years. I included one such quote, another that leans into the pain I must have been feeling.
"People can be cruel, especially the people that are so ignorant that they criticize someone else because they are different than themselves. When in fact, we are all different from each other." February 7th, 1999
